Monday, June 21, 2010, Jeff and I were very excited to get to see our Abigail in another ultrasound. Dr. Huff had sent us to have this peek at our girl so we could see how big she was. This is mostly because of Samantha and Mackenzie being so large. During the ultrasound Abigail was measuring small. Now, we knew that she was a little small because she had measured one week behind our due date from the beginning. The ultrasound tech was really sweet, and of course she couldn't "say" anything, but I could see where the weeks and days measurement was on the screen, and all the numbers were pretty far behind where Abigail was supposed to be. At the end of the ultrasound on of the radiologists came in and told us that Abby was measuring about 3 weeks behind and that the amniotic fluid around her was a little low.
When the tech was out of the room at one point I remember sitting there praying and asking God to let us see Abigail this side of heaven. I didn't think that He would ask us to give her up so soon, but I was preparing my heart. I know God is faithful even if it was going to be painful, so I just sat there and let Him know my trust was in Him. It was a short moment, but one that helped me keep my heart fully in the hands of my Loving Creator.
That evening I spoke with Dr. Huff and she let me know that she wasn't alarmed, but that she wanted us to see a perinatologist in order to get a plan for keeping Abigail growing like she should. Jeff and I thought that was a great idea and we waited for the call on Tuesday with the appointment. We also looked up quite a bit about what a perinatologist does and what we could expect. Basically this doctor specializes in knowing what is going on inside the uterus during pregnancy. He can tell how healthy baby and placenta are and give us an idea of what we can do to keep things going well.
From about Sunday night on my ribs hurt. The pain was increasing on Monday and there was a place just under my ribs on the right side that was particularly uncomfortable. I really just thought I had some very bad gas. Monday night and Tuesday night I spent much time trying not to hurt and to get some sleep. Both nights I took a bath at 2 am trying not to hurt. One night in the tub I was near tears it hurt so much. I remember talking with God and asking him what the pain was preparing me for. And that whatever it was that I would indeed be prepared.
Wednesday, we go see Dr. Mirable the perinatologist and get to have another ultrasound. After lots of measurements the ultrasound tech tried to do a 4D ultrasound and get a pic of Abigail. It wasn't very clear because of the lack of fluid. After the tech left I told Jeff I thought the fluid looked lower than before, but that I could be so wrong too. We discussed some of the possibilities and I told Jeff that mentally I was prepared for the doctor to tell us we needed to go to the hospital next week, but that I wasn't ready to be told today is it.
Dr. Mirable came in and told us Abigail was measuring really small and that the amniotic fluid had dropped from a 5 on Monday to a 2. (I can't remember what type of measurement that was, just the numbers.) He wanted me to start being on bed rest. We were discussing what that would involve and he told me that if my temperature elevated, or my blood pressure elevated, or if I had a pain under my ribs I would need to go be monitored at the hospital. So, I let him know about my pain for the past three days and he told us to go to the hospital. He gave us the steroid shot to help Abigail's lungs to develop and told us we would have the other one at the hospital on the following day. Worst case scenario, from him, was that we would deliver on Friday after the steroids had time to work.
After doctor left the room I started to cry, I wasn't prepared for the hospital even if it was for observation. Quickly after I started crying I stopped. I knew that I had much to think about and questions to answer and needed to keep it together. After all I could have a moment after all was settled at the hospital.
We arrived at Baptist Hospital and started getting set up for monitoring Abigail's heart rate and my blood pressure. It was about 4:30 pm by the time we were checked in, and I made a list of things we needed from home. If we were going to be at the hospital for 48 hours then we would need some stuff. I really wanted to have my moment, but I still had my contacts in and didn't want to deal with them. So, I figured I would take them out pretty quickly after Jeff got back with our stuff, and when he and I were alone I would have a good cry and be okay.
By the time Jeff got back with our stuff we had visitors coming by just to check on us. There wasn't a moment alone with Jeff, but it was okay because it was getting later and everyone was about to go. Then Dr. Huff came in to talk with us about all that was going on. We found out that while we had been there Abigail's heart had decelerated a few times. Nothing that said we were in an emergency situation, but a concerning one. Before doctor left we knew our time frame had been shortened. We may have to deliver before the next hormone shot. This is where I kept reminding myself of Who was in control and of the small hope given us from the ultrasound earlier. Abigail's diaphragm was already working, we had seen it in action earlier. This gave us hope that maybe she was more ready than we thought.
Almost everyone left after Dr. Huff. It was down to Jeff and I, Shawna and her girls Mary Katherine and Olivia Grace. We talked for a minute and the Shawna suggested we pray. What a sweet moment of taking ourselves to the feet of our Father. Shawna prayed for us and for Abigail, and especilly that he would give Dr. Huff wisdom. Within one minute of the 'amen', my phone rang in the room. It was Dr. Huff. She had been praying on the way home, and was in her her driveway and just didn't feel a peace about leaving Abigail inside me any more. So she headed back to the hospital, and Jeff and I prepared ourselves to see our little miss Abigail.
We called everyone and let them know what was happening. My mom hot footed it to the hospital in order to not miss another grand baby getting born. This was going to be her first time. I finally got to take out my contacts about 2 minutes before we walked to surgery. My moment never came, but it was okay. I spent time off and on since Monday giving myself and Abigail to God. I knew we were in the hands of our Creator and the One who loves us more than I can imagine.
Jeff and I prepared ourselves mentally for whatever might happen and for whatever stage of development Abigail might be in. Dr. Huff prepared us that Abby might not cry right away and that she wouldn't be encouraged to until the NICU staff made sure she wasn't going to inhale anything she shouldn't. At this point we also figured out that we didn't have our camera, baby book, nothing that we would have normally gotten together.
Right after surgery began our camera made it's way into the room. It was great, except it had our long range lens on it and that would be a challenge. All was going well in surgery, and the moment came. Abigail was out! Wow, what a set of lungs. She began crying immediately! She was tiny and so beautiful!!! The nurses took her and checked her out and wrapped her up. In my mind I was just so thankful for that cry. God had proven against the odds at least once that she was alright. Then Jeff brought Abby over for me to see her. She opened her eyes when I talked with her and just blinked at me. She was blowing spit bubbles already and just looking content.
Jeff tried to hand Abigail back to the NICU nurse, but she just said it's okay you can keep her. Jeff and I looked at each other in wonder- wasn't this the part where they swept her away and we saw her later and found out how she was? Jeff got to walk Abigail down to the NICU. He had the oxygen mask on her as he went, and he came back after they started to clean her up. She was 2 pounds 13 ounces. Tiny but wonderful! God is amazing!!! Somewhere along the line in life I had put limits to what I thought God did. I am not sure where my ideas came from, but God was about to show me just how big, faithful, loving, caring, and everything He is.
Abigail has never had to have oxygen other than what was given to her right at birth. She has never been placed on a ventilator. Her lungs were perfect, and the steroid shot wasn't in me long enough to have done much of anything. Every little part of her works just like God made it to. Not one problem!
My God is a God of miracles! The little ones- like preparing my heart for whatever he had in store. And the big ones- a perfect little Abigail! I get emotional about all this but never sad. In my life I have seen how loving and faithful God is. He has brought me through some very hard struggles and given me direction daily. His love has never failed! He has never given up on me. He is the only reason for joy and hope.
I hope Abigail's story shines light on God for the wonderful things He has done. I have done nothing, except be here to tell our story. God's grace is truly overwhelming and comforting. I pray that each of you reading this will be able to live in light of His grace and love.
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